EVERYONE WHO REBLOGS THIS POST BY AUGUST 20TH WILL GET A PIECE OF ART IN THERE INBOX BASED ON THEIR BLOG
Trying to pacify my resent is fucking hard, guys.
Like srsly. How do I deal with this shit.
I’ve become extremely good at letting things go, but sometimes I choose to let go of the wrong things- which leads to abuse.
I have so much anger towards one person, simply because I let her manipulate me and use me. I let her passive-aggressively put me down all the time. I let her treat me like dirt- like an object- until she wanted to use me for her benefit. The only time she’s ever nice to me is when she wants something out of me. Whether that be attention or company or even a fucking job. Jealousy controls her. Judgments blind her and poison her speech. She lives by her own lies and deception. She abuses and accepts abuse- she craves attention and will do anything to get it because she lives with a lack of compassion and a lack of depth or understanding. But most of all, she lives without a love for herself. And the saddest part? She doesn’t even realize this. She acts like a parasite but believes in her halo. She smothers herself and everyone around her in negativity and I just fucking LET her do this to me. I let her because I believed in her halo, too. I see her wings and I feel her soul and I wanted to love her the way she needs to love herself- I loved her even when she was going around manipulating other people to believe that I was some terrible person who was just out to hurt her and steal away everything she loves when my only action was acceptance. I was the only person who showed her true understanding and compassion but she interprets that as weakness because it’s something she doesn’t have- and as a result, she turns me into some tool to get sympathy and attention from other people. And I fucking LET her do this to me- all because I saw everything good in her. I wanted to see her potential and only her potential; but while I was caught up in the light of her existence, she was fucking me over in her self-created darkness.
So you know what I did?
I walked away. I just got up and fucking left.
But now I’m stuck with this resent because I never had any closure. I could tell her all of this but it’s almost like she doesn’t have the ability to truly understand anything with depth. So I just tried my best to let it go, while still showing love towards her. I’m still fucking nice to her. Even though she has hurt me SO damn much in these last 5 years. She has hurt me more than any other person and she will never even realize it.
How the hell am I supposed to let this go?
1. Do not date a boy who does not care what your favourite song is. The boy who does not care what melodies ignite your heart strings with love and wonder while staring at passing street lights on the last train home, will not care if it’s 2 a.m. and your heart is breaking.
2. Do not let anyone fold you up like last winters tattered scarf and put you away with the others in a neatly labeled box. Even when there’s thunder and the sky is crying, you are your mum’s favourite summer dress. You are to wear yourself like you believe it.
3. We are all stories. Write yours how you want. Make today’s chapter about purposely taking the wrong bus and discovering a tiny blue tea shop, or folding origami paper hearts over and over on your window sill. Just make sure it’s something you’d enjoy reading.
4. I will always try to save you.
5. Someday you will be 19 and lost and heartbroken and you will think about a place you’ve seen on TV or heard or read about in a book or seen a picture of. You will feel your heart drop into your stomach. Go there. For a day, a month, forever, but it’s important that you go.
6. The world is so beautiful. Do not let the slumped over homeless man outside the convenience store or the stories of guns and bombs on the television let you believe otherwise. We are all so lost. All of us. We all show it in different ways. I write bad poems. Others start wars. There is no inherent evil, only good people searching too hard.
7. I love everything about you.
8. Money turns people into liars and emotional ghosts. School grades are an inaccurate representation of you. Measure your life’s worth in how many times you’ve nearly lost your life to laughter, how many books you’ve closed with happy tears in your eyes, people whose lives you’ve brought joy to, marshmallows eaten, or countries visited.
9. Don’t ever let anyone tell you to stop crying. Cry if you want to. It’s okay. You’re allowed.
10. My best friend once told me that the most important decision he had ever made was to love everyone and everything. He’s the only person I’ve ever known to have a viewable aura of light around him. Don’t forget to love this world, to love people. Be light. You are already mine."